Addiction and Intimacy: Why Getting Close Feels So Scary

By: Dr. Yaacov Rosedale, PhD, LPC, CASAP

One of the most confusing things I hear from clients is this:

"I love my partner. I want connection. But the closer we get, the more I pull away. Why do I do this?”

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.

Addiction and intimacy often don’t play well together. In fact, many people caught in addiction—especially sex or porn addiction—have a love-hate relationship with closeness. They crave it deeply, but when it shows up, it feels threatening. Scary. Overwhelming. And they retreat.

Why? Because real intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness. It’s about emotional vulnerability—being seen, being known, letting someone all the way in. And for people with addiction histories, especially those shaped by trauma or insecure attachment, that kind of closeness can feel downright dangerous.

Addiction often becomes a substitute for connection. It feels safer to escape into fantasy, substances, or numbing than to risk being hurt, rejected, or disappointed again. That’s especially true if someone grew up in an environment where love was unpredictable, conditional, or unsafe.

Here’s the paradox: the more someone needs connection, the more terrifying it can feel. And so the cycle continues—longing for closeness, avoiding it, feeling ashamed, acting out, then pulling away even further.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Healing from addiction is also about healing your capacity for healthy intimacy—slowly, gently, and with support. It’s about learning how to stay present in moments of connection, how to name your needs, how to be seen without shutting down or running away. It’s about discovering that intimacy isn’t something to survive—it’s something to be nourished by.

I work with individuals and couples to rebuild these skills—not just to stop a behavior, but to reclaim the ability to love and be loved in real, lasting ways. My work blends neuroscience, psychology, and deep relational healing—through a biopsychosocial-spiritual lens that honors the whole person.

Because real recovery isn’t just about sobriety. It’s about intimacy. Connection. Wholeness.

Make an Appointment Now

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If this resonates with you or someone you love, reach out. I’m here to help.—

Dr. Yaacov Rosedale, LPC, PhD, CASAP📧 yaacovmr@gmail.com | 📱 +972-52-8084406 | 🇺🇸 513-599-6700